"It's so funny - and I've only read the funny bits!"     Bernie Burke, pal.

"Anybody want to buy a book? My son wrote it and it's full of 'f' words!"     Beryl Marsh - mother (in her very successful sales pitch to a highly respectable Probus Club coffee morning).

"Like the picture on the front."     Ian Walsh - friend and artist (who drew the picture on the front).

"I'll give you fifty quid for five. How's that?"     Tony Cooper - friend and super-salesman (in order to sell them on at the full cover price of £8.99??!!)

"...rather confessional and inward-looking. You come over as a slightly sad character."     David Lamb - oldest friend.

"...wonderfully understated. Your mediocrity screams off every page."     Derek Cook - serious RORC yottie and sometime winner of the Fastnet Race.

"It's very well written. Did you use a ghost writer?"     Mrs Derek Cook.

"What's it like to be famous, Scumbag?"     Old woman in Macclesfield - having recognised the author from the Macclesfield Express article.